commanderlizabiz:

princeichi:

gosh thor followed me into the bathroom

and the whole time i was trying to concentrate, he just sat there in the bathtub, very loudly licking his butt.

oh my god I forgot that your cat is named thor so I actually thought you meant like god of thunder thor and holy shit the mental images

eyeslikecominghome:

a commercial for dominos was just on and i guess i was lovingly staring at the tv because my mom says to my dad “i wish you still looked at me like haley’s looking at that pizza”

dickfaerie:

my favorite activity is pretending that i can sing

14th2:

aiclan:

afrogay:

if i die my funerals gonna be the biggest fucken party and you’re all invited 

if

great, the only party ive ever been invited to and he might not even die

If I ever see any of you in public, the code is “I like your shoelaces”

that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything

I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person

must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!

Remember the answer is: I stole them from the president.

lcate:

*throws chair* *smashes table* SOMEONE MAKE OUT WITH ME *punches wall*